JESSICA ROWE: 'WE NEED TO STOP PUTTING SO MUCH PRESSURE ON OURSELVES'
Image: Channel 7
BY JESSICA BOSCO
On the surface Jessica Rowe seemed to have it all, she had the perfect career and the perfect family, but behind closed doors, she was struggling with postnatal depression. “I struggled with breastfeeding, I felt anxious and lost, I lost my identity and was really floundering. I felt like a failure and not good enough as a mum.” Jessica tells NotSoMumsy. “It was a struggle but I realised I had to ask for help. Once I spoke to my husband, organised a therapist and got on medication, I got better. I realised I wasn’t a failure I simply had a mental illness.”
Jessica eventually stepped away from her high-profile career in television in order to focus on herself, to find her happiness again and wants other mums to know what we don’t have to be this perfect image we create, that we need to take the pressure off ourselves and lose this idea that we need to ‘have it all’.
“I’m a huge believer in taking pressure off yourself, no one is perfect, so you need to embrace your vulnerability and have a laugh at your imperfections,” adds Jess.
These days Jessica is a self-proclaimed “crap housewife”, dishing up a hilarious and relatable look into her life on Instagram, as well as teaming up with Meat & Livestock Australia for its Greatest Butcher on Your Block Campaign where she has been travelling around the country meeting with some of the greatest butchers in the nation in an effort to put butchers everywhere back on the map within their local communities.
We chatted to Jess about her recent trip and about reconnecting with your butcher as well a little about being a “crap houswife” (and why we should all be one!) as well as her own motherhood journey
Here Jessica lets us in on what she’s learnt and what she’s been up to, and how motherhood’s been going.
Tell us about the work you are doing with Meat & Livestock Australia for their Greatest Butcher on Your Block campaign?
I’ve had the most wonderful time travelling around Australia meeting incredible butchers. What’s been a revelation for me is we don’t use our local butchers enough. Everyone should go and talk with their local butcher and find out about the great cuts of beef and lamb that they have. They are value adding to all of their products, all prepared for you so all you have to do is put it in the oven and you have a really delicious meal. Butchers have come a long way – they’ve really listened to what customers want and have adapted their businesses.
What are some of the highlights from your trip?
“I loved Dodges Ferry Meats in Tasmania. When I walked into this shop I immediately was blown away - I thought - why on earth aren’t you down the road from me? I’ve never seen such a beautiful display cabinet of beef and lamb in my entire life. One of the older butchers - Craig is a career butcher, his dad had been a butcher. The other, Clayton, is a younger guy, who when he joined the business really wanted to introduce more fancy looking products that would make amazing meals. That move has really revolutionized their business - people come from far and wide to this little place to get these incredible creations. The fact that Craig was so open to Clayton’s ideas has really put this place on the map.”
I was also really impressed by another butcher – Carly McLean from Bruce’s Meats in St Agnes, South Australia, who began her professional career as a hairdresser made a career switch by joining her dad’s butcher shop. The store is now like her baby, she puts such care and attention into what she displays all day.
What have you learnt that you will be using yourself at home?
Steak has long been the bane of my existence - I’ve always been nervous about cooking it. Usually, I burn the outside and serve it up raw and uncooked on the inside. However, thanks to the wonderful butchers I met, I finally understand how to cook one!
The best tip is to take it out of the fridge 15 minutes before cooking and let it rest at room temperature beforehand so it can tenderise a bit. Then you just rub it in a little oil with salt and pepper on both sides and cook for a few minutes either side. My daughter Giselle now loves my steaks, although my husband Peter says I still burn them – I don’t agree!
You’re a self-proclaimed “crap housewife” so what are your tips for the rest of us fellow crap housewives for getting easy, nutritious meals on the table for the family?
I think people sometimes feel silly asking butchers for cooking tips, but they are honestly so helpful. You’ll have far less disasters in the kitchen if when buying a piece of meat you ask your butcher how to cook it. Depending on the size and width of the piece, they cooking instructions will differ. Everyone should use their butchers as a resource more often!
What is your ultimate lazy dinner hack (that’s not takeaway!)
So often you get into the habit of just picking up a packet of raw meat from a supermarket and then have no idea what to do with it. Nowadays there are so many great meat products at butchers which already have all the herbs, spices and toppings already added to them – all you literally have to do is cook it. It really saves so much time and there’s less chopping up and hunting around for things.
Do you have any other awesome mum hacks (outside of the kitchen) that you swear by?
I admit I do have a housekeeper who comes in every week and is worth her weight in gold as it’s a time-saver. For me, its money well spent and is an investment in my mental health and my family’s wellbeing. If your budget allows for it, it’s worth considering – and don’t allow anyone to make you feel guilty about it. It’s a service that is readily available so why not make use of it if the housework is causing you grief?
Other than that my best hack for a stress-free home life is to simply take the pressure off yourself. Tell yourself that it doesn’t matter if the house is a bit of a mess or that you’ve got a laundry basket full of unwashed clothes and make sure your other half agrees! As mums, we get too caught up in thinking life needs to be perfect, and that’s just not reality. Tell yourself ‘I am enough’ every day and do your best to get through.
As well as being a “crap housewife”, you are an advocate for breaking through the BS and the strive for perfectionism – especially when it comes to motherhood?
I’m still learning you’re never “there yet” when it comes to motherhood. Every step of the way there’s always something new to learn. I’m a huge believer in taking pressure off yourself, no one is perfect, so you need to embrace your vulnerability and have a laugh at your imperfections.
You have openly talked about your own mental health and suffering from postnatal depression after the births of your daughters, how did you get through this and what advice would you give to other women who are struggling?
One of the hardest and darkest times of my life was when I was going through postnatal depression. I struggled with breastfeeding, I felt anxious and lost, I lost my identity and was really floundering. I felt like a failure and not good enough as a mum. Eventually, I recognised I was not well. When I realised something more serious was going on I felt really ashamed and thought what is wrong with me, I have everything - a healthy baby born as a result IVF, I’m so lucky to be a parent with an amazing husband, why am I more wretched and sad than I’ve ever been?
It was a struggle but I realised I had to ask for help. My advice for anyone who even has a possible inkling that things aren’t right is to please talk to someone because there is a way through. Once I spoke to my husband, organised a therapist and got on medication, I got better. I realised I wasn’t a failure I simply had a mental illness.
Can you tell us a little bit about your motherhood journey? How did you find the transition into the role of mum?
I really struggled early on to find myself again. When you become a mum it’s easy to think that’s all you are. You need to rediscover yourself again and say I’m not just a parent, I’m a friend, daughter wife, sister. You need to check into all those other parts otherwise you lose yourself. I had to ask myself who am I and what else can I do? I had to make peace with that.
Your girls are a little bit older now, so, with a little perspective what would you tell yourself as a new mum in those early days?
I would tell myself to be gentle and don’t give yourself such a hard time! All this stuff that life is suddenly so great, my baby’s wonderful, it’s all so lovely is for the most part nonsense! Just do the best you can and be gentle on yourself, there’s no one size fits all when it comes to motherhood.
You have a huge Instagram following and you are all about keeping it real on there, do you think Instagram perpetuates the problem of this perfect ideal that we’re all striving for/fighting against? The idea of the “highlights reel” or do you think the tide is changing and people are striving for more “realism” in their feed than ever before?
The older I get the less I care about what people think. As you become comfortable in your skin, you have less to hide. You don’t feel the pressure to put on this veneer of a beautiful life. My Crap Housewife site actually started when I saw on social media all the beautiful kids lunch boxes some mums were preparing for their kids. I thought all my kids get is a vegemite sandwich and an apple! I must be the worst mum. But then I thoughts, why am I feeling guilty about this post from someone I don’t know?
I started posting what I actually feed my kids – baked beans for dinners, or sausages and a few vegies with the hashtag #craphousewife. I didn’t’ think for a moment it would resonate with other people. However, I think people find that kind of realism refreshing. For me I’ve had a really positive experience with social media as it’s allowed me to connect with all the other crap housewives out there!
You quit your job as a co-host of Studio 10 to be able to be more present with your daughters and for the sake of your own mental health, can you talk a little more about this decision and why it was so important for you?
I realised that for me I wasn’t being as present as I wanted to be. It was a difficult choice, but I knew the most important thing was to be there for my daughters and family. As women we do want to have it all, including a great career, going a million miles an hour, a clean house plus a happy partner and that’s often just impossible. I wanted to lean in for my girls and husband. I call myself a feminist and some people might challenge me over that choice. However, I don’t think it’s old fashioned. We need to applaud the choices women make and if that includes walking away from something in preference for your family, we should support that.
How have you found this change of pace (not that it sounds like you’ve slowed down!) but what have you enjoyed about stopping and reevaluating things?
I’ve really enjoyed slowing down and having more time to spend with my daughters. Sooner than later my girls aren’t going to want a bar of me, so I need to sow the seeds now if I want to keep a connection with them. Career-wise whilst I’m not working full-time, I’m now able to do other bits of interesting work such as the MLA campaign which has given me so much joy and fulfilment.
As mums we always talk about ‘the juggle’, and these days there’s also ‘the hustle’ and we often wear how busy we are as a badge of honour, but do you think women/mums can “have it all” or is this an outdated and unrealistic expectation that we need to stop subscribing to?
It’s definitely unrealistic. I’ve learnt to be a lot more honest about my flaws and parenting over the years which has been great for my kids. Now I take a moment to say things like, ‘I’m really sorry I don’t know why I shouted at you like that’ or ‘let’s have dinner in front of telly tonight’ as opposed to this notion of what we ‘must-do’ this. Mums need to stop scrutinising their every move and think things like, well if I don’t do this then my kid’s IQ won’t be very high, or they’ll suffer because I’m such a bad mum. Stop!
You have two daughters (with one starting high school this year?) how do you handle this problem of the perfect ideal when raising them? And what about navigating the world of social media and the internet?
You can talk endlessly to your kids about the ills of social media, but it takes time for anything to sink in. I can say to my girls 100 times no one’s bottom really looks like Kim Kardashian’s and they just roll their eyes! I think a good way to counter what you see online is to be more realistic in real life. I try to use a lot of humour, don’t take myself seriously and tell them that you can’t control everything. Allegra has just become a teen, so I know her peer group is becoming more important. You just have to be present for your kids.
What do you find the most challenging thing about being a mum?
That I never get to go to the toilet in complete privacy – someone’s always at the bathroom door!
What do you love most about being a mum?
Just the love you get back from your kids.
What has motherhood taught you about yourself?
That I am enough.
What do you do when you need a little “me” time? How do you unwind?
I read books – I love a good crime thriller. I read them in bed and don’t’ get scared, I just find them a nice bit of escapism.
For more information about The Greatest Butcher on Your Block head to www.greatestbutcher.com.au