FINDING CALM: HOW TO MANAGE PARENTING OVERWHELM
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BY DR ELISE BIALYEW
As a mother of two young girls, I, like all loving parents, do everything in my power to keep them safe. Our role as parents is to keep our children fed, clothed, housed, educated, entertained and loved.
On an ordinary day in an ordinary world, this can be a tough juggle.
But in a world affected by bushfires, climate issues and now a global pandemic that is rapidly destroying the economy and forcing us to somehow mix income-earning with home-schooling overnight, the role of parenting has, for many of us, become epically overwhelming.
I’m a doctor trained in psychiatry, and for seven years, I have been teaching people online how to meditate through my month-long Mindful in May program. Never in my career have I felt more of a sense of importance and urgency around the tools I’m qualified to teach.
As a parent, I feel for those of you who are suffering with our newfound reality, and I wanted to share three actionable tools I am using to keep my sanity and equilibrium at this universally challenging time.
Practice the Ten-By-Three Wake-Up
How we wake up in the morning can determine our mood for the entire day. Tomorrow morning, as soon as you wake up, I invite you to try this exercise. It has the power to give you more energy and optimism first thing.
When you first wake up in the morning, take a moment to label how you are feeling: Rested? Tired? Energetic? Anxious? Sad?
Bring awareness to your body, and more specifically to the feeling of your breath.
Before you do anything else, count ten breaths as they move in and out of the body and make sure that as you are counting, you actually feel the sensations of the breath in your body, allowing your mind to be free from any concerns about the day to come. If you lose count and get distracted, simply begin again when you notice you’ve lost count.
After counting the breaths, drop the counting and bring to mind three things you are grateful for.
Get out of bed and start your day with a positive, appreciative attitude.
2. Take it one day at a time / one moment at a time
These are clichéd statements, but vitally important right now.
At the moment, we are all experiencing grief over what is being lost and fear over what is to come. Anxiety is what happens when we allow our thoughts to focus too much on the future, and grief is a consequence of dwelling in the past.
Instead of focusing on tomorrow, and next week, and a year from now… instead, give yourself permission to focus only on TODAY. When you wake up each morning, consciously limit your thinking to today. What can you do today to help yourself and your family thrive?
While engaging with your children, pull your attention into the present by focusing on the sound of their laughter or squeals, the smell of cupcakes cooking in the oven, the feeling of the breeze as you play outdoors – or any other sensory experience that you can observe. This is “everyday mindfulness” as mentioned above.
In focusing on one day at a time, one moment at a time, one sensation at a time, you can give your mind a reprieve from the overwhelm, even if just for one minute at a time.
3. Connecting to digital communities
Though we may not have our physical communities to call on at the moment, we are at least lucky enough to live in an era where we can connect digitally. Here are some ideas for connecting in the online space:
Create a WhatsApp gratitude group with friends who have children, to connect to the goodness in life. Hold one another accountable to check in regularly and share something you feel grateful for. You could create a Facebook group, or use WhatsApp or another messaging service.
Create a creative group in WhatsApp, Facebook or elsewhere to share creative projects and artworks with a community of friends or loved ones. You might set themes each week to keep one another busy. One idea would be for each family to pick a dance they can learn in formation and then perform for each other at a digital ‘Dance Party’! It will keep you busy and give you something social to look forward to.
Create a kindy Zoom group (or another video platform) for your kids to hang out with their kindy pals. Design some activities they can do together, like singing along to music, a show and tell of interesting things they can find in their houses, or creating a ‘digital band’ where, after everyone finds something in the house they can make an instrument from, you can conduct an orchestra by getting each child to play their beat on cue.
I have also recorded two short meditations specifically to help people find calm from external stress caused by covid-19. Please find calm with these when you find a spare 8-20 minutes.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Elise Bialylew is the author of the bestselling book, The Happiness Plan, and founder of Mindful in May , the world’s largest online global mindfulness fundraising campaign that teaches thousands of people each year to meditate, while raising funds to build clean water projects in the developing world. In times like these, we really can't afford to lose our mind. Spend a month training your mind through Mindful in May and step into greater calm.
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The views expressed by the authors/contributors on this website do not necessarily reflect the views of NotSoMumsy. The nature of NotSoMumsy is to provide a platform for mothers to share their own personal journeys and are intended for entertainment purposes only.